There are twisted people everywhere. And at the same time, they are creative too. Because it takes a creatively twisted person to come up with novel ideas to make animals explode. Today’s list post will horrify not only PETA activists but everybody. Because whatever is the objective of making an animal explode, it can never be a justified one.
British Special Operations Executive, otherwise known as SOE were a special unit of covert warriors used by the British government in the fight against the Nazis. They used James Bond type weapons and equipment and devised many outrageous plans. One of the plots thought up by this special unit was to place a bomb inside the corpse of a rat and put the body in the coal piles of the enemy. The thinking was that the rat would be thrown into the fire with the coal and the fuse would ignite with an ensuing explosion. A great idea but never used as the entire group was wiped out the night the mission was to take place with the entire supply of rat-bombs confiscated. Rats!
Before the days of electronic guidance systems that could accurately pinpoint a target at a long distance and then hit it, the idea of pigeon bombs was toyed with. A system was already in place and set to go when electronics took over and the only reason it was not funded before then was the military allocating funds away from the project for applications that could be ready for combat faster. The entire program was scrapped but not before $25000 dollars had been sunk into it and pigeons trained to carry out the missions. It is just as well though. Most people thought the plan was a birdbrain idea anyway.
Dolphins, a most intelligent mammal and the smartest creature in the sea are a natural choice for covert kamikaze training. They are fast, friendly, easily trained, and live almost everywhere there is ocean. The one thing the Soviets did not count on is that they are very expensive to keep. Recently, the Soviets sold off all their dolphins in an apparent abandonment of the project… or did they? The CIA would like to know as there is something fishy about where some of those trained to kill dolphins went. Can you say Iraq?
The Death Pool, as it has been named by newspapers, is a pond in Hamburg, Germany, (It is also happening in Denmark) and a gruesome place where toads are bursting for no particular reason. Thousands of toads have exploded in the park that used to be filled with picnickers and laughing children. Now, the only people who visit the park are scientist and those with a taste for the macabre. While several theories have been put forth, they either have been eliminated or simply lack supporting evidence. For instance, some scientist believe that crows may be pecking out the livers, a delicacy in the upper class crow elite, and leaving the frog to die. As a defense, toads naturally puff their bodies out of proportion but with a hole in their sides and no liver, they puff up and explode. This is just a theory, however and there is no documentation of it happening except the corpses of the dead. The most disgusting and horrifying part of this is that the toads do not die instantly upon exploding. Instead, they lay there twitching and thrashing about while their intestines ooze out and they die a slow, agonizing death. Is it lunchtime yet? I’m hungry for spaghetti.
Okay, let’s pretend for a moment that you are a United Nations soldier standing post at a check point. You’re enjoying the middle-eastern sunshine and watching what you imagine to be pretty girls walking around under long robs with scarves covering their faces and wondering how they stand the heat under twenty-two pounds of dark colored clothing–when suddenly, several men lead a donkey to within fifty yards of your position, smack its rump to get it started towards the checkpoint and the scatter in different directions in a hurry. What do you do? My wife answered that you “Run, Forrest, Run!” however, most men would shoot the donkey and then set fire to some hay and throw it on the donkey after they have cleared the area. This actually happened at a checkpoint in Ramadi, Iraq to a US soldier. The resulting report described a very impressive explosion. Hmm. Can you say Donkey Barbeque?
The bat bomb was the brainchild of a United States dental surgeon named Lytle S. Adams in 1942. This idea was given serious consideration and millions of dollars were invested in its development. The idea and subsequent plan was considered by many to be effective enough to have ended the war. Unfortunately, the Atom Bomb project was completed first and a great loss of life and property ensued. The bat plan was simple enough. Thousands of bats with incendiary devised attached could be released over Japan resulting in literally thousands, and some projected millions of uncontrollable outbreaks of fire causing widespread damage and much less loss of life than the obvious overkill of the Atom Bomb.
Globitermes Sulphureus or big frigging termite, to his friends, is a termite that has a strange defense mechanism. The soldier termites have a pocket or bulb filled with glue that they spit out in a stream. It is a tacky substance that traps the enemy and contains a pheromone that acts like a call to arms for fellow soldiers. The explosion part comes when, in the heat of battle, the termite expends this fluid too fast and with too much force, causing it to explode. Can you say premature ejaculation? No idiot politician has figured out a way to use these insects in warfare yet but give them time. They will probably call it… “The Termite-tinator”
Camponotus saundersi, here is a species of ant that is as dedicated to the cause as any human and perhaps even more so. This ant has the same kind of gluey formula stored in its mandibles as the termite and is willing to fight to the death to protect the nest and workers. There is one major difference between the ant and its cousin the termite. The ant does not use its tacky weapon except as a last resort and then, it is fatal. Like a suicide bomber except with a will to live, this ant will use its massive jaws to cut and slice its opponents and can do some major damage but if its back is against the wall and it is out numbered, its head explodes, throwing the glue over everything in its path, taking as many of the enemy with it as it can. Pop goes the glue head!
2. Anti-tank Dogs
The less than humane people who devised this plan should be rubbed down with raw pork chop meat, stripped butt naked, and thrown into a pit with the great American pit bull. The soviets, in their quest to fight the Germans, tried to train dogs to take bombs to enemy tanks, leave them, and return to their handlers but, the Soviets must have been sniffing glue because they trained the dogs with their own tanks. The dogs would not catch on. They changed tactics, still using Soviet tanks, and put a trigger on the bombs so that when the dogs went under the tanks, the bombs could be trigger detonated. Again, the Soviets goofed as they trained the dogs with tanks that were not running, moving, or shooting their guns. The dogs would return to the handlers often detonating the bombs trying to get into the trenches, killing Soviets instead. The Germans caught on by this point and would shoot the dogs and the Soviets would have to shoot returning dogs. In the end, it was the dogs that were paying the price. I would like to train some Soviets to take a long walk off a short pier.
Exploding whales, while interesting news, are not the amazing part of this submission at the number one spot on our list. The mind-blowing part is the ineptitude of the people who handled these incidents. There must be some kind of a chemical released into the air when whales start to decompose; a chemical that evidently drops the IQs of any humans within thinking range of the corpse. People turn into blubbering idiots (if you will pardon the pun) and come up with some of the most absurd ideas for disposal of whale carcass imaginable. For instance, Authorities in Salt Springs Island, British Columbia allowed the carcass of a huge whale to decay to the point where gasses that have accumulated inside the whale’s body exploded. Massive slabs of rotted whale literally hung from trees for weeks afterwards. The entire affair was a complete mess. However, this incident pales when you know of the famous, Tainan City, Taiwan event.
Consumed with a desire to move a beached Sperm Whale carcass from the beach to a lab in the center of the city, you guessed it; the build-up of gasses exploded the massive corpse. To make matters worse, seeing news coverage of this–whale of an undertaking–people had flocked by the thousands to view the moving of the body with street vendors selling refreshments to the curious onlookers. Huge chunks of whale flesh and entrails covered a large area, injuring people and destroying property. Luckily, no one was killed and everyone’s IQ returned to normal when the gas was expelled.
Then people started getting smart, right? Wrong. Thinking that planting explosives in the whale and blowing it up before it could explode would make things better; these people must have had an extra concentrated dose of the stupidity chemical. In Florence Oregon, officials did just that and wound up blowing huge chunks of sperm whale more than 800 feet through the air. One such chunk destroyed an automobile in a parking lot. After all of this, only part of the carcass was destroyed and the rest had to be towed out to sea.